Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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