I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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