If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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