we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
