My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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