he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
