My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
