if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
