3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
