so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Randomize
