i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
