I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
