Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
