So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Randomize
