Betty ford says i'm here all night
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
