My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
its liver damage thursday
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
