i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
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