Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
