Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize