I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
