What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
