I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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