haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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