I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
