I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
