i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
