I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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