just tell him i said nine months
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
