All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
