Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
It's just like the Real World with babies
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
