he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
They have beer where we have blood.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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