i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
