Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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