Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
