Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
