Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
