Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize