I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
