I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
