I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
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