If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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