You really coming over, don't trick.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
