Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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