Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize