Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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