Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
