2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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