you guys were way drunker than both of me
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
