I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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