Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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