i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
