i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
