It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
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She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
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Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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