Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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