I showed him my bush... on skype.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
