Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
