nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
His hands were made for my vagina.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Randomize
