Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
