$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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