There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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