question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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