I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
