dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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