I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
