I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
