True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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