I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
