i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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