Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
