so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
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It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
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Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize