is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
