he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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