Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
