I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
