I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
