Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
