Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We have started to decorate penises.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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