So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Less talking, more tequila
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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